Emotional dysregulation occurs when an individual has excessively intense emotions in response to a triggering event. The experience of emotional dysregulation is unique for each individual, but there is one commonality: feeling out of control. may feel their emotions are out of control. Emotional dysregulation is actually quite common, but those who struggle with a psychological disorder tend to have greater difficulty recognizing their emotions until they get to the point that they feel confused, ashamed, and overwhelmed. In many cases, the cause of emotional dysregulation is unclear to one’s conscious mind. There are many factors which can cause frequent emotional dysregulation, such as childhood trauma, an insecure attachment to one or both parents, a personality disorder, and ADHD, just to name a few!
ACCEPT AND reFLECT ON YOUR CURRENT SITUATIONS AS THEY OCCUR
Take some time to reflect on all areas of your life. Think about your relationships, your job, your financial situation, your health. It is vital to make sure that you’re not blaming yourself or anyone else for the way things are, just accepting them. The use of avoidance is an immediate gratification defense mechanism, in that you can quickly trick your brain into believing that a problem either does not exist or will somehow go away on its own. Avoidance also prevents the pain, fear, confusion, or shame from entering your conscious awareness. There are many escapist behaviors, such as substance usage, sexual promiscuity, shopping, social media over-usage, refusing to talk about deep personal topics, and denying to yourself and all others that you have any problems.
Do you hide from your anxiety by focusing on the needs and wishes of others? Do you evaluate your self-worth based on how much you can do for others or how necessary you can be in promoting the well-being of others? Do you isolate when feeling threatened by your triggers? Do you internalize blame for having negative emotions? Do you have outbursts after bottling up your emotions for too long? You are actually creating more anxiety by engaging in these thought and behavioral patterns. Although it is a very uncomfortable action, try visualizing how less anxious you would feel if you did not devote so much energy to others’ well-being and more toward identifying and satisfying your own needs and desires.
BEFRIEND YOUR AMYGDALA
Your amygdala is a small, almond-shaped brain structure with a large amount of power over your ability to regulate key emotional reactions, such as fear, anger, and shame. Do you frequently doubt or criticize yourself? Do you internalize all past disappointments, mistreatment, and mistakes as reliable evidence proving that you are worthless, flawed, weak, or just plain wrong? A harsh internal dialogue can be toxic for different aspects of your identity, such as career, romance, leisure, and overall emotional stability. This self-critical treatment becomes physiological when the amygdala becomes over-stimulated and interprets your negative self-talk as a threat. At this point, the amygdala transmits electrical impulses to your stress-hormone system and to your autonomic nervous system, triggering a full-body response. The amygdala processes threatening information more quickly than your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for emotional control and logical decision-making skills, thus your body can react to this threat before you are consciously aware of what is happening. When you learn how to bring to conscious awareness your specific self-defeating words and your physiological agitation, you can begin to regulate how your emotions are expressed both physiologically and behaviorally.
When the limbic system is in a state of extreme arousal, it may be difficult for you to regulate your emotions. Emotional pain is an inevitable aspect of the natural order of life, but you will eventually feel overwhelmed and “frozen” in all stressful situations if you do not restructure your perceptions and actions toward not blaming yourself for your misfortunes and not engaging in self-defeating thoughts when in a crisis or other challenging circumstances. Accepting pain or mistreatment does NOT mean that you are approving of it or internalizing the blame for it. Rather, it is just about giving yourself the freedom to acknowledge that it is there, looming in the near or far distance. It is also about validating your self-worth enough to confront distress and learn how to “tolerate” and “plow through it” when it makes its frightening presence.
TRY YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED REACTIONS TO STRESSORS
Visualize your best self. If you have a particularly stressful life right now, you might prioritize peace of mind and body above all else. It can sometimes be easier to work out what you want to feel and then work backwards from there to find the aspects of your life you should address first. Small, specific goals and changes are way more achievable than generalized goals. For instance, it is more realistic to agree with yourself to write down at least one thought per day or to take a ten-minute walk at least three times per week, as opposed to telling yourself that you “should journal or exercise more.” You can incorporate calming activities at any point during your daily experiences by being mindful of times when you start to feel stressed, insecure, angry, or just sad.
Grounding techniques are excellent tools for focusing attention away from overwhelming thoughts, feelings, or memories. When grounding, you shift your focus from the internal stressor (thought/emotion) to the external environment. You can do this by staying in the present moment, rather than projecting into the future or past. Visualization is another skill for bringing a sense of calm before or after a stressful situation. It is not designed to be used amid a crisis but can have a calming preparatory effect. You can learn to visualize a peaceful place, such as the beach, or to just focus on any image in your immediate environment.
