Emotion- Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on the client’s ability to identify, to accept, and to rework one’s emotional patterns as they play out in family relationships, romantic partnerships, friendships, and coworker or social interactions. EFT also aims to improve the client’s awareness about the influences of early attachment styles and meaningful life events upon one’s adult beliefs and expectations concerning relationships. Developed during the 1980’s, EFT became a desirable option for couples who were seeking to improve their emotional bond and to better understand their wants and needs within the relationship. EFT can be an effective treatment in as few as eight sessions and is based on the perspective that human emotions are connected to human needs and that working through them can help individuals change distressful emotional states and improve interpersonal relationships. This approach has expanded to treating individuals who struggle with emotional regulation, such as those diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
DE-ESCALATION FROM TOXIC TO HEALTHY INTERACTION PATTERNS IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you tend to feel anxious or insecure in your relationships, EFT strategies can help you to look at the roots and triggers of your own emotions. As a couple, you can learn to identify and understand how negative interactions create a cycle of distress. For instance, some partners may have communication challenges with simply expressing emotions, yet ignoring or disengaging can be a form of toxic relationship punishment. The EFT therapist will guide clients in understanding the negative patterns of these interactions and the actual problem that is causing detachment or stress. Next, partners will explore each other’s feelings and how they are related to the detrimental interaction cycle. Romantic partners can also express needs and emotions while learning how to choose their words with greater intention toward a collaborative resolution, as opposed to “one-upping” the other or shifting the blame. The final part of Stage 1 consists of the therapist reframing key issues, negative patterns, and underlying emotions and fears as they relate to each individual’s attachment needs.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE
This is the stage of identifying the underlying attachment styles that are leading to negative emotions. In this stage, trauma survivors and anxiety-susceptible individuals can learn how to recognize emotions in the moment as they are being experienced and to own these emotions, no matter how painful or embarrassing they may be. Trauma and anxiety can trigger you to engage in self-destructive behaviors as a way to feel wanted or needed, such as prioritizing your partner’s needs or feeling responsible for your partner’s toxic behaviors.
Adults with an insecure attachment style may avoid emotional intimacy, deny or repress any emotions related to intimacy, have a strong distrust of others, become easily jealous, constantly fear abandonment, and have a pattern of codependence with your romantic partners. Many attachment-focused research studies have found significant correlations between insecurely-attached adults and toxic romantic relationships. Some signs of being in a toxic relationship are feeling emotionally or even physically unsafe, feeling as if you are always doing or saying something wrong, and feeling alone and unfulfilled. Childhood trauma can also create an insecurely-attached style, and it is common for two insecurely-attached adults to trauma bond, with each partner not knowing how to emotionally regulate.
We are “emotionally naked” when involved in a committed romantic relationship, thus the stakes are high when we start to feel fearful of rejection, judgment, or abandonment. Those with childhood experiences characterized by insecure attachment styles are especially prone to these emotional reactions within long-term relationships. Boundaries can be behaviors like not tolerating name-calling or blaming. Boundaries are there to help protect your physical and mental well-being.
EMOTIONAL REPROCESSING AND REGULATION
Clients can learn to identify the thoughts about an event or about something in one’s environment and then take a step back to view it objectively, without allowing the emotional reaction to take control. One method of doing this is to encourage the client to picture the provoking event from a third-party perspective and to consider alternate explanations, positive features, or lessons learned. Emotional reprocessing can occur randomly, based on situational factors. The important part of this process is to allow your perceptions to shift in ways which you may not have previously considered.
The emotional reprocessing phase typically takes the longest amount of time for the client to truly incorporate into one’s daily repertoire. In fact, it is more the norm, rather than the exception, for a client to show small signs of progress and then to retreat back into differing levels of dissociation. An effective reprocessing technique is “trauma retelling.” However, trauma flashbacks and reactions are often resistant to change, because these thoughts and actions have had such a severe impact on the brain’s memory functioning (hippocampus) and emotional processing area (prefrontal cortex). The trauma survivor may even cancel a session when the memories become too much pushed into the present, and this is why the level of communication and trust between therapist and client are integral to successful outcomes.
EFT strategies aim at moving the individual toward improved emotional regulation by talking out the past events associated with the particular emotions which are interfering with one’s sense of well-being and/or one’s sense of identity. The individual must acknowledge, accept, and understand what each strong emotional response is actually “saying” amidst the chaos of dysregulation. “KNOWLEDGE IS POWER” when it comes to gathering more information about your emotions. Only then can you understand when and how to most effectively express any of your emotions and when to mindfully “save” them for a more appropriate time. Other positive outcomes of EFT are a decreased intensity and frequency of anger response, an increased sense of internal control, and greater self-compassion.
