“It is not that something different is seen but that one sees differently.” Quote from Carl Jung
Your memories create the foundation of your sense of self and are the guiding forces of your actions, beliefs, goals, and emotional states. By young adulthood, you have accumulated trillions upon trillions of memories, ranging from random bits of information to clear and organized flashbulb memories of significant life experiences. The majority of your conscious brain, known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, is focused on the external world, but your emotional brain, known as the medial prefrontal cortex, contains your subconscious wants, needs, and, yes, painful memories and fears. The medial prefrontal cortex controls your complex internal world and can become “stuck” in survival mode after experiencing traumatic events. The only way to restructure your problematic patterns into healthier behaviors is to accept and to befriend all aspects of this internal world. When “you make the plan,” you are taking the first crucial step toward accepting and working with your internal world on a conscious level, thus becoming “unstuck” from your survival mode.
When problems become the primary focus of your thoughts and emotions, you have two clear choices: to remain “stuck” or “to make a plan.” When your mind stays focused solely on threats and painful memories, you are paralyzing your problem-solving and decision-making abilities. When “stuck” in survival mode, it is common for your brain to emotionally shut down in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed. However, this can result in a chronic dissociation from new people, opportunities, and experiences. These problems will not go away until you, through much introspection and brainstorming, develop a realistic action plan and commit to the actions within this plan, revising as needed. There are three important stages to remember as “you make the plan.”
STAGE 1: Cognitive and Emotional Awareness / Mindfulness
Cognitive and Emotional Awareness is achieved through the monitoring of: (1) physical activities, (2) sensations and feelings, and (3) mental activities. Physical activities include social interactions, nutrition habits, exercise, and career-focused and/or academic-focused behaviors. Sensations and feelings include past and present emotions, which are both inspiring and challenging. Mental activities include your specific thoughts, perceptions about daily experiences and interactions, emotional triggers, and memories. Mindfulness skills help you to truly identify and process various emotions as they occur, rather than to push them aside. The goal is to embrace all emotions as they are and not how you (or others) think that they “should” be.
Learning how to identify and to “own” self-doubting, irrational, fear-perpetuating, and, otherwise, unproductive thoughts is the first crucial step toward gaining control over such thought patterns. Then, you can identify which of these thought patterns cause the most disturbing emotions and dysfunctional behavioral responses. Mindful awareness can create a continuous sense of empowerment, patience, and self-compassion in all situations. Most importantly, it is an excellent and valuable introspective tool to carry throughout the remainder of your life.
STAGE 2: Cognitive Restructuring
Cognitive Restructuring involves exploring which past experiences and negative self-talk are creating current emotional and behavioral responses. Cognitive changes can only occur after you have attained a full understanding of their roots. During this stage, you must be willing to move out of your comfort zone and to try hard to start viewing situations with less self-judgment and more emotional and behavioral control. You are creating movement toward more confident and balanced thoughts, which will then result in healthier behaviors in relation to future external events. Revising your thoughts and beliefs can greatly decrease anxiety, depression, and other symptoms. When you learn to accept what has happened in the past and to remain committed to your new perspective, you will be the wise master of your fate, not the victim.
STAGE 3: Action Plan
The Action Plan stage is the true test of your motivation and commitment to lifelong self-empowerment. You are focused upon taking action in each moment of each day, with the intention of living as your true self. During this stage, you will follow a structured and proactive plan for acknowledging unproductive thoughts, using thought-stopping strategies when these thoughts create too much emotional pain, using thought-replacement strategies to refocus on the present moment, committing to writing one’s thoughts and feelings in a journal (if desired), and revising your plan with more or different coping behaviors as needed. Personal growth and transformation is a gradual process which can have setbacks. As you navigate through your new plan and utilize your new coping skills, you are creating a resilience toward challenging life events. You are also distancing yourself from past demons and buffering yourself from ever again feeling out of control or weak. It is impossible to feel out of control when “you make the plan.”
